Dear 20 Year Old Self

This post is submitted as a part of the 20SB 5th Birthday Blog Carnival, sponsored by GlassesUSA.com.Submit your own post here.

Dear 20 Year Old Me,

What the hell?!  I’d start with a hello, but I think that “what the hell” is more appropriate.  I’m not being mean.  I’m really not.  I just know better now.  And you really need to hear that… that you don’t know everything.  You had a fun, irresponsible year.  Now it is time to grow up.  And I know you will.  But quit taking your sweet time.

First of all, boys.  Seriously?!  The boys who keep you company… they are only doing it for their own benefit…
Well, except for that one.  He really is a nice boy, and he really is interested in you for you.  I wish you would have just opened your eyes enough to see that.  In four years, you will break his heart because you waited too long to realize he wanted to be more than friends.

That boy you met at the political event?  I know you think you kind of blew it.  But don’t stress too much.  He will turn out to be your first true love, and you will make some amazing memories with him.  He will be a rollercoaster ride, and it won’t end up perfectly, but you will be glad it all happened.

There are many more men that I could warn you about, but you’ll end up dealing with them each in a unique way that I would never want you to change.  Because, though sometimes bad experiences, they will form so many of your core beliefs.  And that is something you don’t want to mess with.

If I could give you one piece of advice, though, never trade anything for love, except love.  You are too special and precious to give yourself away so easily.

And for Christ’s sake, if you were smart you would quit your damn job.  Waiting another three years is going to suck so much passion out of you, but the job that will follow will definitely be much more rewarding.

I know you are young, and you have a lot of growing up left to do.  And that is okay.

Just do so for you.  Don’t change for anyone else.  It isn’t worth it.

With Love and Respect,

25 Year Old Bria

PS: Quit wasting your time being angry at your Dad.  It isn’t worth it.  He loves you much more than you know, and he is a much better person than you give him credit for.

My love affair with the new Venus & Olay Razor!

Short, sweet, simple.

The Product: New! Gillette Venus & Olay Razor

Price
A refillable Venus & Olay with one replacement cartridge – $8.99-$10.99.
Packages of three replacement cartridges – $14.99 – $19.49.

The Razor: 5 Blades, Olay Moisture Bars, SoftGrip Handles, Shower Hook, interchangeable refill cartridges available.

My Thoughts: AMAZING!  Gillette Venus likes to talk about looking and feeling like a goddess, and I never understood the hype.  I have always been a generic, four blade men’s razor sort of girl.  And occasionally I would use shave gel.  But this has changed that forever.  My shave feels ten times closer, smoother, and more streamlined.  It saves me a good ten minutes in the shower, and leaves my terribly dry skin feeling truly Goddess smooth.  My boyfriend agrees too!  I am a convert!

Disclosure: Influenster.com was kind enough to provide this razor to me free of charge as part of their VoxBox program.  All opinions and the excitement over this razor are my own though.  Don’t believe me?  Feel my legs. 😉

Truvía® natural sweetener Product Review

If you know me at all, you know that I love all things sweet.  But I am getting older, getting smarter, and need to start watching what I put into my body.

 Enter Truvia.

If you are not familiar with this handy dandy little delight, Truvia is a 100% natural zero calorie sweetener that is completely delicious!  I have used it in coffee and tea, and find myself using half of a packet, as opposed to my usual two packets of sugar or splenda.

The best part about it – it is gluten free and has no affect on the glycemic index, so it is safe for diabetics.  (After a recent doctor’s visit to discuss, among other things, some stomach issues, I am starting to watch my sugar and gluten intake.)

I am hooked on Truvia, and have already purchased another box, so how could I not share?!

Disclosure: I received this product for free due to my partnership with Influenster.com and their VoxBox program. Opinions are my own. Duh.

My views on the current state of Twitter and Social Media.

The band Say Anything worded it best in their song Admit It!!! from their 2004 album …Is A Real Boy:

You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends
Pontificating to each other
Forever competing for that one moment of self-aggrandizing glory
In which you hog the intellectual spotlight
Holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation
Oh, we’re not worthy
When you walk by a group of quote-unquote normal people
You chuckle to yourself patting yourself on the back as you scoff
It’s the same superiority complex
Shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell
And makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma
You spend every moment of your waking life bitching about

Hope, hate, and other four letter words

Love.
It is a joke.  Or so it seems these days.  Just like the idea of communication or trust.

Listen.
You wanted someone to listen.  I gave you that.  I listened to you tell me of the things she says to you.  I listened to you tell me that the spark is gone.  I listened to you tell me that the love is gone.  I listened to you tell me about the empty shell that is your relationship.  I have listened to you men tell me these things, over and over and over again.  Because I am your friend, and that is what a friend does.

But over and over and over again, you stay.  You continue in a relationship with no love and no passion.  You continue in a relationship with a woman who does not care that you have a heart and she is breaking it with her words.  You continue to let your needs and desires and your hearts be walked all over.

You try to fill the void.  You fill it with work, or friends, or booze.  You fill it with hobbies or projects or food.  You fill it with flirtations and conversations that will never amount to anything more than a cheap, quick fix.  Because “that is what men do.”  Because you “don’t want to be a pussy” and fix things.

But guess what?  By trying to fill that void, you are being a pussy.  Your lack of effort to fix your relationship… that has a huge impact on all the things you are trying to fill the void with.  Your work suffers.  Your projects suffer.  The woman you have flirtations with… I can promise you that in some way, they are suffering.  Your friends (and those women, I suppose) are only getting a fraction of a person, and getting that fraction not because you care about them that much, but because they are what you run to by default.  They are your backup.

Be a man.  Face your problems.  When she says something hurtful to you, tell her that it hurts.  If the spark and the passion is gone, try and reignite it.  Think back to the beginning, when it was there.  Those things that sparked the passion in the beginning… make those things happen again.  Remember why you loved her in the first place, and really focus on those things.  And if you can’t, if all else fails and the love is gone, leave.  Stand up for yourself and cut your losses if there is no way to fix it.  Ending a relationship is never easy, but staying in a loveless one is even worse.

It is quite simple: fix it or end it.  If you can’t handle that, though, at least SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.  There are ladies like myself out there that still hope love is possible.  We still hope that a happy, fulfilling relationship is possible and can last a lifetime.  But men like you… you make us doubt ourselves.  You make quick work of fracturing our hopes and dreams of that fairytale.  And if you think about it, your lady already hates you (and woman hate is the worst kind of hate)… do you really want to add any more ladies to that list?

Intention

I never intended to be this girl… the girl who doesn’t stand up for herself; who allows herself to get used or walked all over.  Yet that is exactly who I have become.  At work, in love, in life… I stand by idly, allowing others to use me, wear me down, and trample all over me.  I get frustrated and angry, but nothing changes.

I refuse to let that happen anymore.

My intention for this week, this month, this year: To stand up for myself; to demand what I deserve.  My intention is to become a bold woman worthy of the love and respect she desires.

Enough

Fat. Boring. Ugly. Whore. Never Enough.

These words, they plague my mind.  I call myself these names over and over.

Self Confidence… I lack it.  But I would never let you think that.  To your face, I will act like the most confident, self-loving person.  But inside, I hate on myself constantly.

The thing is, I know that I am fabulous.  Deep down somewhere, I know it is true.  Or maybe I just know that if I keep telling myself that, it will become true.

Maybe one day I will no longer be fat and ugly and boring.  Maybe one day I will be enough.

I just have to keep reminding myself, I am enough.  I am beautiful.  I am fabulous.

Time

It seems that these days I am completely exhausted.  Mentally, emotionally, physically… I am drained.

I go to work, and just like any other job, mine has its highs and lows.  When I am working with a customer, laughing with her and making her feel beautiful, I am on top of the world.  I live for moments like these.  When a customer tells me she has never felt so beautiful… that is what I live for.  But the times when I have to worry about pre-sells and dollars and meeting a quota… those moments break me down.  I don’t deal well with the pressure of needing to make numbers.  I deal well with the pressure of needing to make a woman feel good.

Some days I leave work on top of the world.  Customers like Carol and Judy let me know that what I am doing matters, and I am grateful beyond belief for them.  But some days I leave work feeling defeated.  I am trying my hardest, but I don’t always succeed, and that is hard.

My nights out with the girls… I love those moments.  I live for those.  Sitting at the White Horse, my MacLaren’s, with Jackie and Katie… that brings me happiness and excitement.  It gives me energy.  In those moments, I know who my friends are and I know that all is right in the world.

My nights in, laying in bed, usually alone, are needed.  The rest and relaxation is something that I never used to savor.  But sometimes a girl just needs to curl up in piles of fleece and comforters wearing nothing but fur covered mukluks, and just be.  JUST BE.

I need to worry less and just be.  I need to concentrate on feeling and not on formula.  If spending two hours doing my hair and makeup just to go in to work for three and then retreat to bed makes me feel good, so be it.  If sleeping for eleven hours and ignoring all phone calls and texts feels good, then I will do it.

I need to learn to just be.

Absense

A few people have asked me where I have been…
Why did I disappear, all but permanently abandoning this blog.
I suppose life and love and my sanity level have no allowed for much.
I was writing elsewhere, but didn’t share it.
Last week I took that page down.
And now, I feel like a hole in my heart.
I miss writing.
Sure, I still write.
But I miss writing here.
The absence is painful, much like the absence of size 11 Missoni For Target ballet flats in my closet.
(Speaking of which, Missoni For Target’s launch CRASHED Target.com – That is amazing!)
And don’t even mention the Michael Kors Skorpios Large Shoulder Bag in Cinnamon that I will never own.
At $895, I will be feeling the pain of the absence of that handbag for a lifetime.
But I digress.
I am back.
Back to writing.
Back to living.
Back to being the snarky little spitfire you all know and love.
And hopefully my absence did make your heart grow fonder.

For Better, For Worse, For All

I know that I said I would blog on dating and relationships.  And I will.  And in some ways, this post will discuss those things.

Last night, Minnesotans witnessed a horrendous act.  70 of our legislators, who were elected to represent us, ALL OF US, voted to push forth with a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.  They made it known with their vote that they believe that not all people are equal.  They decided that they get to dictate who’s love is real and who’s love isn’t.  They decided that some of their own constituents are not deserving of the right to express their love in the most sacred legal manner.

We witnessed a bunch of politicians sitting in a room supporting hate and inequality, but failing to as much as voice their reasons for doing so.  For hours, our true leaders, democrats and republicans alike, stood up, impassioned and on fire, giving a voice to love and acceptance and equality.  Outside the chamber, citizens from across the state from all walks of life, from all sexual orientations, gathered.  They raised their voices in support of Rep. Kriesel as he stood up and went against his party and said HELL NO to intolerance.  They sang songs of hope as concerns were raised about how supporting this ban would affect our children now and forever; as concerns were raised about the constitutionality of this amendment.  And still, despite this all, 70 “representatives” showed nothing but cowardice.  They decided that hate is more important than equality.

Well, let me tell you, they were wrong!  As the amendment was passed, as their hate “won”, the voices outside the chamber got louder.  And across the state, voices got louder.  Within seconds, citizens banded together to declare that hate will not prevail in Minnesota.

This will be a long fight, but the battle is nowhere near over.  Hate will not win.  I pledge my blood, sweat, and tears from now until the moment that hate is defeated and all Minnesotans,  have the same rights as I do.  And I ask you to join me.  Get impassioned.  Get loud.  Get out of your seat and fight.  Fight for love.  Fight for equality.  Fight for all the great that is in the world, and all the greatness that has yet to be created.

Join The Fight

Facebook:
#NOH8MN
OutFront Minnesota
Minnesotans United For All Families 
I will Vote No

Twitter:

@NOH8_MN
@OutFrontMN
@MN4allfamilies