Archive | August, 2010
29 Aug

I hate when people make assumptions and think that they know everything that is going on.

Last night I received an email from a good friend of mine who said she was concerned, angry, and felt used and disrespected.  And it frustrated me and hurt so bad.  I can understand where she may be upset on some levels, but there was so much more behind the things going on than she got a chance to see.  The things she saw were barely even the surface.  And she didn’t ask questions before taking things personally and getting offended.  And it hurt.

But then I realized, we all seem to do this.  We jump to conclusions and we make judgments without all the facts.  Why is this?  Because we are an instant society.  We base everything on right-this-second and not very often do we have or take the time to dig for more.  I do it too.

But it took this experience for me to realize that I really do just need to slow the hell down.  Take my time.  Because not everything happens at the snap of a finger, and not everything is as it seems.

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Learning Lessons

28 Aug

It is rare that I find an author that can put my thoughts into words.  So often I find my head full of thoughts and words, pondering feelings.  There are many sides to every story.  And sometimes conflicting and opposite feelings  reside.  Yet somehow Emily Giffin, author of New York Times Best-Selling novels Something Borrowed, Something Blue, Baby Proof, Love The One You’re With, and Heart Of The Matter (yes, ALL FIVE OF HER BOOKS HAVE BEEN BESTSELLERS!!!) finds a way to capture what I cannot.

ON FORGIVENESS

One more chance.
Words that my mother heard, more than once.  Words that women debate.  Whether you can forgive and whether you should trust.  I think of all the judgement from society, friends, and family, the overwhelming consensus seeming to be that you should not grant someone who betrayed you a second chance.  That you should do everything you can to keep the knife out of your back, and to protect your heart and pride.  Cowards give second chances.  Fools give second chances.  And I am no coward or fool.

Yet here we are… And once again, I close my eyes, ready to take a leap of faith, ready for the long, hard road ahead.  I have no idea how it’s going to turn out, but then again, I never really did.  …I believe that, buried beneath disappointment and fear, anger and pride, I just might find it in my heart to forgive.”
Heart Of The Matter

ON LOVE

“Sometimes there are no happy endings, No matter what, I’ll be losing something, someone.  But maybe that’s what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.”
Love The One You’re With

ON GRACE

“It was about grace, she decides, something that has been missing from her own life.  Whether she was born with a shortfall of it or lost it along the way, Valerie can’t be sure.  But she wants it now.”
Heart Of The Matter

Forgiveness… screw that.  Grace… what the hell is that?!  And Love is a choice?!?!
It sucks but it is true.
I need to learn to forgive.   And remember that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.
I need to give grace.  And accept it.
And love… most of all, I need to realize that sometimes you have to make love work.  You can’t give up on it when it is not ideal.


Hurt

27 Aug

This post made me cry. I couldn’t even find the words to say… it just broke me inside.

Let’s drop some Love Bombs

26 Aug

It is that time of the week!  We need to show some love.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Love Bomb Mission: Rachel, 17. Loss of dad, eating disorders and depression.

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Note: We are now partnering with bloggers for missions! This week’s partners: StarbucksBreak.com,YoursTrulyTrayce.com LoveChelseaLaurenProneToWanderTheBeesKneesCollection-Of-Things,PostWithTheMostInspiredMessTrueConfessionsOfASingleMotherMrsMuffinsTallAsGrassDoGoodMore,BelleChantelleDevilishDelishBuckOwensGuitarABCCreativityBriannaPoster,AmySoto.blogspot.com, and LaurenNicoleLove.

– – –

Hey Love Bomb family!

We are dropping today’s Love Bomb on a 17 year old girl named Rachel.

She lost her dad and ever since has dealt with eating disorders, and is struggling through life without him. Her mom avoids serious conversations with her and she is afraid to get help. She’s in counseling, which is wonderful –  but we all know how irreplaceable personal words of encouragement are.

In one of her recent posts, she bullet-pointed a list of things she had to show for nearly being 18:

– I drink too much
– I have social anxiety
– I’m failing school
– I’m ugly
– I’m fat
– I can’t even get the courage to meet my own sister
– I lack the energy to even fake happiness
– I have recurring thoughts of self-harm
– I keep relapsing into “disordered eating behaviours”

In her last post, the one we’ll be commenting on, she ends with,

“What I need is some inspiration. I need someone I admire to tell me every thing’s going to be alright. That they believe in me. That I’m not the fat failure I think I am. – unfortunately I can’t see that happening any time before it’s too late, if it’s not already too late.”

Alright guys. You know what to do. We ARE Rachel’s inspiration, encouragement, love, and support.  It’s time to tell her how beautiful and valuable she is. I want to blow her away.

To comment on her blog, go here: whatyouneverknewaboutme.blogspot.com

Time to drop a Love Bomb, friends!

Lauren

*****

Now, if you know me, you know that I have been dealing with major depression and many of the same thoughts and feelings as Rachel.  It is not easy to go through.  But the most important thing is to know that there are others pulling for me when I can’t myself. I got love bombed a couple of weeks ago, and it has been such a help in pushing me to not give up.

So lets show Rachel some love!

*****

If you want more information on Love Bomb or want to sign up for weekly mission emails, visit the website!

Fake it til you make it.

24 Aug

Fake it til you make it.

But what if I can’t fake it anymore?

This is not me.

This is not who I am.

But who am I?

I don’t even know anymore.

All I know is that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I want it to end.

Fake it til you make it.

Well, I can’t fake it anymore.

This is who I am.

Take me or leave me.

22 Aug

I can hear in your voice the weariness.  I can hear the frustration.  I can hear how tired you are.
I wish I could fix it.  But more than that, I wish I could just be there for you.
So even though you are a thousand miles away, you are still in my heart.
I will always be here for you.
Just say my name.

Trapped

20 Aug

This week has been hard for me.
To say it has been a struggle would be an understatement.

In terms of pushing through it all, I would say I failed.  I called in sick to work two days in a row and stayed in bed because I just couldn’t get up.  I didn’t watch tv or read.  I just laid in bed.  All day long.

I hate feeling like this. I am so depressed and I am hurting so bad and I just can’t seem to get it out.  I cannot express it.  And when I can seem to find a way to push it out – to put it into words – there is no expression; no emotion.  I feel so blank.

I am afraid this is who I will become forever.