Time

22 Sep

It seems that these days I am completely exhausted.  Mentally, emotionally, physically… I am drained.

I go to work, and just like any other job, mine has its highs and lows.  When I am working with a customer, laughing with her and making her feel beautiful, I am on top of the world.  I live for moments like these.  When a customer tells me she has never felt so beautiful… that is what I live for.  But the times when I have to worry about pre-sells and dollars and meeting a quota… those moments break me down.  I don’t deal well with the pressure of needing to make numbers.  I deal well with the pressure of needing to make a woman feel good.

Some days I leave work on top of the world.  Customers like Carol and Judy let me know that what I am doing matters, and I am grateful beyond belief for them.  But some days I leave work feeling defeated.  I am trying my hardest, but I don’t always succeed, and that is hard.

My nights out with the girls… I love those moments.  I live for those.  Sitting at the White Horse, my MacLaren’s, with Jackie and Katie… that brings me happiness and excitement.  It gives me energy.  In those moments, I know who my friends are and I know that all is right in the world.

My nights in, laying in bed, usually alone, are needed.  The rest and relaxation is something that I never used to savor.  But sometimes a girl just needs to curl up in piles of fleece and comforters wearing nothing but fur covered mukluks, and just be.  JUST BE.

I need to worry less and just be.  I need to concentrate on feeling and not on formula.  If spending two hours doing my hair and makeup just to go in to work for three and then retreat to bed makes me feel good, so be it.  If sleeping for eleven hours and ignoring all phone calls and texts feels good, then I will do it.

I need to learn to just be.

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Absense

13 Sep

A few people have asked me where I have been…
Why did I disappear, all but permanently abandoning this blog.
I suppose life and love and my sanity level have no allowed for much.
I was writing elsewhere, but didn’t share it.
Last week I took that page down.
And now, I feel like a hole in my heart.
I miss writing.
Sure, I still write.
But I miss writing here.
The absence is painful, much like the absence of size 11 Missoni For Target ballet flats in my closet.
(Speaking of which, Missoni For Target’s launch CRASHED Target.com – That is amazing!)
And don’t even mention the Michael Kors Skorpios Large Shoulder Bag in Cinnamon that I will never own.
At $895, I will be feeling the pain of the absence of that handbag for a lifetime.
But I digress.
I am back.
Back to writing.
Back to living.
Back to being the snarky little spitfire you all know and love.
And hopefully my absence did make your heart grow fonder.

For Better, For Worse, For All

22 May

I know that I said I would blog on dating and relationships.  And I will.  And in some ways, this post will discuss those things.

Last night, Minnesotans witnessed a horrendous act.  70 of our legislators, who were elected to represent us, ALL OF US, voted to push forth with a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.  They made it known with their vote that they believe that not all people are equal.  They decided that they get to dictate who’s love is real and who’s love isn’t.  They decided that some of their own constituents are not deserving of the right to express their love in the most sacred legal manner.

We witnessed a bunch of politicians sitting in a room supporting hate and inequality, but failing to as much as voice their reasons for doing so.  For hours, our true leaders, democrats and republicans alike, stood up, impassioned and on fire, giving a voice to love and acceptance and equality.  Outside the chamber, citizens from across the state from all walks of life, from all sexual orientations, gathered.  They raised their voices in support of Rep. Kriesel as he stood up and went against his party and said HELL NO to intolerance.  They sang songs of hope as concerns were raised about how supporting this ban would affect our children now and forever; as concerns were raised about the constitutionality of this amendment.  And still, despite this all, 70 “representatives” showed nothing but cowardice.  They decided that hate is more important than equality.

Well, let me tell you, they were wrong!  As the amendment was passed, as their hate “won”, the voices outside the chamber got louder.  And across the state, voices got louder.  Within seconds, citizens banded together to declare that hate will not prevail in Minnesota.

This will be a long fight, but the battle is nowhere near over.  Hate will not win.  I pledge my blood, sweat, and tears from now until the moment that hate is defeated and all Minnesotans,  have the same rights as I do.  And I ask you to join me.  Get impassioned.  Get loud.  Get out of your seat and fight.  Fight for love.  Fight for equality.  Fight for all the great that is in the world, and all the greatness that has yet to be created.

Join The Fight

Facebook:
#NOH8MN
OutFront Minnesota
Minnesotans United For All Families 
I will Vote No

Twitter:

@NOH8_MN
@OutFrontMN
@MN4allfamilies

Proper spelling and sentence structure, bacon, and probable reasons why I am single.

28 Apr

I not so secretly have a profile on OKCupid.  Why not?  I am single and ready to mingle, and it is a free and effortless way to meet new people.  I have met some awesome people who have turned into great friends thanks to OKCupid, but when it comes to date-worthy men, the results have definitely been lacking.  I suppose this is due to the fact that anybody, no matter how sleazy and cheap they are, can sign up.

Admittedly, my profile will make you think of me as either a) a tad bit funny and adorable or b) a pretentious bitch.
Example:
“I am really good at being fabulous. It is true. I will change your world.”
“I could go on and on, but sometimes I get the feeling that this summary thing is just like the flight instructions from the stewardess before takeoff- you are too busy being wrapped up in her good looks to pay much attention.”
“You should message me if:
–you know how to spell and use proper sentence structure
–you like bacon (if you do not, you probably should run)”

The amazing thing is how many messages I get from vegans who cannot spell to save their life.  Also amazing is the number of times I have gotten follow-up messages from men calling me a rude bitch because I will not meet or sleep with a man who cannot spell properly or form a proper sentence.

Oh, and per the vegan animal rights activist who asked me on a date… I am a bitch for turning down his offer for a date simply because he is an animal rights activist and I like bacon.  All along I was just trying to be respectful and let him know I need more meat in me than dating him could provide…

On relationships.

26 Apr

I never thought that at nearly 24, I would be single.

I know this sounds stupid, but I didn’t.  As a young girl and into my teenage years, I pictured myself as the girl who would run off to college, meet the love of her life, and be married by the time she was 21. That picture couldn’t have been more of a lie.

I didn’t run off to college.  I didn’t meet the love of my life (although I know some people who can attest to the fact that I thought I had… a few times).  And lord knows I couldn’t be further from marriage.

But my story isn’t all that uncommon these days.  It seems that many of my fellow twenty- and thirty- somethings are embracing this decade as a one of singleness, growth, and fun.  One of exploring life with the mindset that love might come along, but we aren’t going to sit around waiting for it or forcing it.

I opened up a dialog with a bunch of people regarding their experiences with dating and relationships, and it has been amazing.  So many stories, so many points of view.  The story of one of my best friends who’s fairytale romance has quietly been anything but a fairytale.  The story of a friend who has never gone on a date.  The story of a friend who met the love of his life simply by being in the right bar at the right time.

In some ways, it has left me hopeful.  Hopeful that one day I may find the right person and have the fairytale love story.  Hopeful that it won’t always be tough being the single girl navigating the dating world.  But in some ways, it has left me feeling destined for failure.  Because really, if 15 people have 15 completely different viewpoints on all these different issues, will I ever find somebody who feels the way I do?  Or will I have to compromise?

Over the next few weeks, I am going to delve into the nooks and crannies of dating.  I am going to explore everything from first dates to intimacy to marriage.  I am going to explore monogamy and religion and whether they have a place in dating or not.

It will be fun.  But it will also be honest.  You’ve been warned.

***I am a horrible person and never followed up on this.  I suppose I should now.  -B , 9/13/2011

invisible.

3 Apr

I am begging for you to see me.
Maybe you do.
Maybe you just choose to look away.

fresh ink

22 Mar