Mistakes we knew we were making…

28 Nov

Mistakes we knew we were making
Mistakes we knew we were making
Don’t think about chances we’re taking
Don’t think about rules we’re breaking
Mistakes we knew…

I am afraid.  I am afraid of getting hurt.  I am afraid of not being enough.

“It is not you, It is me.”

Bullshit.  Just be truthful.

That is what I am afraid of.  I am afraid that if I open  myself up to the possibility of something more, I will get let down and hurt.  If I open myself up to the possibility of something more, I will have to hear the truth behind those words.  I will have to hear that really, it is me.  I am not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough.

So instead of having to take the chance of hearing those words, I make sure that I am never in a situation where those words will be spoken.  I never ask for commitment.  I do what I can to make sure that it isn’t a possibility.  I never ask for anything.

Sure, this means that I am always alone.  That means sometimes I hurt a bit.  But it is worth it, right?

Or is it?

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2 Responses to “Mistakes we knew we were making…”

  1. Laurie November 28, 2010 at 11:25 pm #

    You know what’s funny… you can still think those things in a committed relationship. I struggle all the time with wondering whether I am good enough. Granted we have had some really shitty issues to deal with that really don’t help me in that area. However, it’s my issue, and doesn’t have much to do with him.
    I still don’t realize all of my value and worth… that’s something I am working on.

    • devilishdelish November 28, 2010 at 11:28 pm #

      You are worth so much, and you just need to believe in it. My frustration is that I know I am worth a ton, and I feel like nobody else sees it. And I don’t ever want to hear it and start doubting myself. So I make sure that I can’t.

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