Why I hate holidays.

3 Jul

I hate holidays.  Yes, I said it.  I hate holidays.

Holidays used to be something that I loved and celebrated.  I relished in the time spent with family.  Independence Day always meant going to parades, street dances, concerts and fireworks in Brainerd.  Sometimes I would run off with friends, dance with boys, and cause a little trouble.  But I almost always had a blast.

These days, though, I do nothing but dread holidays.  Easter for the past two years have been spent with friends here that have nowhere to go because, well, my family’s drama has kept me from being invited to my parent’s place for dinner.  I spent the Fourth of July last year at Janelle’s because my family went up to their cabin and I didn’t get to go.  Thanksgiving last year was ruined by my mother’s affair (and my anger about her treating the family like shit) and my not being allowed to even step foot in their house because it would be uncomfortable for her to be around me.  Christmas was spent in airports coming home from finally spending some time with my father in San Diego because my mother and her bullshit had ruined my family and my desire to spend time with them.  I didn’t spend mother’s day or father’s day with my family because, well, I still hate my mother and my step-father won’t have anything to do with me because of that.  My birthday this year… I didn’t as much as get a facebook message from any of my family.

And here I am, the weekend of the fourth.  I have 3 days off work because we are closed, and I am sitting at home.  All of my friends have plans with their families, and mine has rejected me.  It is 5pm on Saturday and I have only gotten out of bed long enough to get a bowl of salad out of the fridge and go to the bathroom.  What is the point of doing anything else?

I don’t want to leave the house and even go for a walk because I will see all these families having fun together and just be reminded of what I am missing.  Yes, I am depressed.  Yes, this adds to it.  But whatever.

And to think, if this is how crappy it is for the fourth of july, I wonder how depressing and shitty Thanksgiving and Christmas will be this year.

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4 Responses to “Why I hate holidays.”

  1. Steven Klassen July 4, 2010 at 1:05 am #

    I have to agree with you on this one. Take Father’s Day. For some folks it’s a day to bond with pops and for just about everyone else it’s damned uncomfortable. I don’t think there’s any one holiday that’s universally happy.

  2. x to the power of 2 (if I recall correctly) July 8, 2010 at 1:14 am #

    I’ve been pondering for the past few minutes of ways to best illustrate my understanding of your situation, from my own person experience. However, I think it best to keep it simple. I hope that you trust in my assurance that these things shall pass in time. And I hope that find joy in the holidays once again 🙂

  3. Jeannie October 13, 2010 at 12:17 pm #

    Remember what is most important.
    It’s not having everything go right; it’s facing whatever goes wrong. It’s not being without fear; it’s having the determination to go on in spite of it.
    What is most important is not where you stand, but the direction you’re going in. It’s more than never having bad moments; it’s knowing you are always bigger than the moment.
    It’s believing you have already been given everything you need to handle life.
    It’s not being able to rid the world of all its injustices; it’s being able to rise above them. It’s the belief in your heart that there will always be more good than bad in the world.
    Remember to live just this one day and not add tomorrow’s troubles to todays load.
    Remember that everyday ends and brings a new tomorrow full of exciting new things.
    Love what you do, do the best you can, and always remember how much you are loved.

    This poem has brought me more then I could have ever hoped. It is my reminder when life throws all the nasty mean things my way.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Goodbye 2010. 2011, Be prepared… « DevilishDelish - December 26, 2010

    […] I hurt and got hurt.  I had monumental heartaches and heartbreaks.  I remembered the loss of my brother.  I suffered from severe depression that nearly ruined my life.  I remembered the past, and begged for the ability to move on.  My dating life was a mess due to unavailable men.  And lets not even get started on family. […]

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