Go It Alone

12 May

As I prepare to live the next few months by myself (something that I have not done ever in my life-i have always had roommates), I am starting to get uncomfortable and a little nervous. As independent as I am, I don’t like being alone. I do not need to be talking to anybody, but I hate spending nights in an apartment or house by myself. It just feels so desolate, so lonely.

Yes, even I get lonely.

And I don’t think I have ever felt as lonely as I am starting to feel right now. Sure, I have amazing friends. I have some of the best friends that a girl could ask for. But I don’t really have many good friends in this town. Sure, I have men in my life. I always seem to have plenty of men. But I do not have A MAN. I have nobody to have dinner with, to curl up and watch movies and fall asleep with. I am not on good terms with a decent amount of my family, and the family that I am on good terms with is too far away. It is just hard.

I do not mean to sound needy here. I am far from needy. I just hate the idea of spending every summer day and summer night alone. When I hear the floor creak, I have nobody around. When it gets stormy and the power goes out or there is a tornado or something, I have to deal with my fears all alone. I don’t have anybody to share dinner and laughs with each night. If I want to have a glass of wine and a ton of laughs, I better hope I can find somebody at the bar who is entertaining.

I know that this is a normal part of growing up. It is a part of adulthood-being alone, living by yourself. But on some levels, I am just not ready or welcoming it.

So here I will likely sit, glued to a chair at the coffee shop, alone but surrounded by people and feeling safe.

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5 Responses to “Go It Alone”

  1. zenmistress May 13, 2010 at 2:20 am #

    I think it’s awesome. You get to decorate the way you want, keep it the way you want, have alone time to do what you want…..with no drama.. You will get used to the freedom and come to like how much less hassle it is than having roommates.

  2. zenmistress May 13, 2010 at 2:24 am #

    Re: things like a bed… check this out…. it’s cheap and uber comfortable….
    http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=coleman+raised+quickbed+queen&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=17740761706809145564&ei=2ajrS5qvBojatgOhxp32Dw&sa=X&oi=product_catalog_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CDkQ8wIwBA#

    If you are planning on living in a dorm later, it makes more sense than having to store a bed and frame.

  3. Kate-Madonna May 13, 2010 at 9:32 am #

    Independent and Awesome Bria:
    There is something about living alone that changes a woman. We know what sounds to watch out for, and in the whole process we become more comfortable in our own skin than ever before. You need this: to show you who you are and all the wonderful and amazing things you’re going to be able to handle. You can do this. 🙂

  4. lewisshepherd May 13, 2010 at 9:41 am #

  5. Steven Klassen May 14, 2010 at 4:23 am #

    Welcome to my world. That’s how I spend 90% of my time.

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