I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing…

25 Apr

It is amazing how quickly things can transition from great to horrible; from happy to sad; from optimism to a longing for something as good as pessimism.

I am struggling.  I am struggling to simply survive.  I am struggling to try and make it through an hour without breaking down.

I know that I have friends who are there for me even if from a distance, and that thought is somewhat comforting.  But that does not change the fact that life is hard and that I don’t know how I am going to make it through.  It does not change the fact that I need someone here, now.  I need a hand to hold, a physical shoulder to cry on or somebody to hold me.  And I do not have that.

I have been trying to cope and deal in the only ways I know how-shopping, eating, drinking.  And I know it won’t fix anything.  I know it won’t help.  And I know it isn’t healthy.  But it is all I know.

I just need a way out.  I need some fresh air.  I need… something.

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3 Responses to “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing…”

  1. zenmistress April 25, 2010 at 3:25 pm #

    I know what you need. I have been where you are several times when I was your age, and it’s not fun.

    First thing you need is determination. Resolve yourself into accepting no less than landing on your feet.

    Second thing you need is belief. Believe in yourself that you’re too stubborn to give in.

    Third thing you need is a plan. After a few times of feeling helpless, you will come to believe that you have to make a series of changes in order to make yourself and your life impervious to the actions or inaction of people around you. You need to outline a plan on how to get completely self sufficient so you don’t need anyone else to survive. Break it up into reasonable, doable and realistic steps… and you will get there.

    After self sufficiency, then you will be able to breathe and look toward continual self improvement just for your sake. Our minds like challenges much better when they’re taken on for fun and not survival.

  2. Luann April 26, 2010 at 11:38 am #

    Holding you close in thought! I wish that we lived closer and could help you out right now.

  3. Steven Klassen April 27, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    What Zen Mistress talks about in step 3 is what I was trying to say earlier. You need a plan. You need to make adjustments to make sure that the problems you’re running into aren’t problems anymore. Self reliant is the way to roll, yo.

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