Playing The Game

18 Apr

I posed a question to a bunch of my friends today.  The question was this:

In your opinion, how long is it appropriate for man/woman to see other people after they start flirting with or go on a date with somebody?  Is it wrong or being a player if they are flirting with or go on a couple dates with somebody while doing so with other men/women, or is it only wrong after becoming exclusive?  And what determines when things are exclusive?

It was definitely interesting to see the responses.  Many of the women said that it is wrong to flirt/go on dates with multiple women at the same time, but the men said otherwise.  The men (and a couple of the women) said it is okay to casually date multiple people at one time, as long as they all understand that you are not exclusive yet.  But what I found most amusing is that their were multiple women who express negativity about men casually dating, but find it okay to do so themselves.

I find it interesting that there are such a double standards and so many differing opinions among adults.  I feel that as long as you have not discussed and agreed upon exclusivity, then you have absolutely no right to expect the other to walk away from the rest of the dating scene altogether.  And if you are not going to walk away, why should they?

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13 Responses to “Playing The Game”

  1. Steven Klassen April 18, 2010 at 8:45 am #

    We have standards for computing. Without them, developing new hardware/software that works and plays nice with everything else would be nearly impossible. We don’t have standards for relationships – just conventions. I’m not surprised they’re wildly different depending who you talk to.

  2. Ellen April 18, 2010 at 8:56 am #

    I think that it’s okay for men and women to casually date multiple people at once, as long as all parties involved understand that it isn’t an exclusive relationship. I’ve done it before, but it felt weird going on dates with different people in such close time proximity. So personally, I prefer to pursue one relationship at a time, though I don’t see anything wrong with casually dating/flirting with multiple people when you’re still single. 🙂

  3. Kate-Madonna April 17, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    I think what many, (women in particular,) are getting annoyed about it the amount of men who are stating they, “only see one person at a time,” while they are still texting/flirting with other women. If the guys wouldn’t say it- girls wouldn’t expect it. Open communication fixes everything.

    • devilishdelish April 17, 2010 at 11:46 pm #

      I could not agree more with your comments. If you claim to be seeing only one person at a time and aren’t, then burn. But if you make it clear that you are not exclusive and make not that you are seeing other people as well, then nobody has a reason to be up in arms. I just find it interesting that some women have commented on a certain man asking me and another person they know i am friends with out on a date (i believe you know what case I am talking about, about a month or so back) saying that it is wrong for him to be persuing multiple women. I fully disagreed with that, but instead said he should be more careful to make sure his ladies aren’t comparing notes.

  4. Kate-Madonna April 17, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    (Can I add to it?) Dating ‘games’ are silly. Just say what you mean, and mean what you say.

  5. Anastasia B April 18, 2010 at 10:34 am #

    I totoally agree, If you are not exclusive then you can date other people. You can’t expect monogomy if it has not been agreed upon. And I’m even going to go as far as to say, until exclusivity is DISCUSSED, then don’t assume that’s what is happening. You know what they say about assuming…

    A few dates hardly constitutes for a relationship anyway.

    xo anastasia b

  6. zenmistress April 19, 2010 at 12:09 am #

    I find it ironic that the same women who think dating different people watch “The Bachelor” like a religion.

  7. zenmistress April 19, 2010 at 12:10 am #

    *edit* who think dating different people IS WRONG* watch the bachelor like religion.

  8. zenmistress April 19, 2010 at 12:11 am #

    *edit* who think dating different people IS WRONG*

  9. zenmistress April 19, 2010 at 12:14 am #

    I mean, here’s a dude that UP TO THE DAY OF PROPOSING… dates multiple women. Is it really a foundation for a lasting relationship?

  10. zenmistress April 19, 2010 at 12:15 am #

    LOL… and there’s the infamous “do overs” that have happened a season or two..

  11. Tiffany April 21, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

    I think this is where communication becomes really important. What one person might look at as a dedicated relationship might not be what that the other person in the relationship would describe as beyond the point of seeing others.

    If the relationship is casual, then I don’t think it is a problem for both parties to be seeing other people. However, once a relationship is recognized by both parties to be a dedicated, serious relationship I don’t think flirting or intimate experiences with other people is okay.

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