Setting yourself up for failure.

17 Apr

It is funny how everything can sound so great on paper, but when you try to get conversation flowing all is lost.

This is a frequent occurrence in my life these days, it seems.  In the past few months I have met many men through the means of things like twitter and other friends.  Exchanging details and what we are looking for, all matches up.  I have even had men read my Relationship Checklist and declare themselves perfect for me.  Our DMs, IMs, and TMs are lively and all seems to be going well, but once the phonecall or IRL meeting happens, that spark that was thought to be present isn’t always there.  And it got me to thinking…

Why do we make premature declarations?  Aren’t we just setting setting our expectations so high that we are destined to fall short?

I can tend to be very flirtatious, but I always hold my feelings back and keep from getting invested in men until things prove to be worth the investment.  It has seemed to me, though, that there is no shortage of men these days who are willing to get their hopes up and declare a woman’s amazingness.  (Note that thankfully not every many I have spoken with lately has done so… only about 50% haha.)

But how productive is this?  Wouldn’t it be better to just go in with no expectations and give yourself the chance to be surprised?

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2 Responses to “Setting yourself up for failure.”

  1. Steven Klassen April 17, 2010 at 4:20 pm #

    I know folks who have had some pretty good success with eHarmony’s system. They do all that matching nonsense up front and then you go on actual dates. I figure 2 dates in you can decide if it’s something you want to spend more energy on.

    Plus you’re a chica, the fellas should be footing the bill for these dates. 😉

  2. Skye May 12, 2010 at 12:22 pm #

    I think you should give this a listen. Might be very enlightening. http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/02/12/midmorning2

    My favourite takeaway? What you think you want may have no correlation on who you actually end up with.

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